W.W.J.D. (What Would Justin Do?)
“God is bigger than any zit I have.”
“You’re just my Heavenly Stepfather; I Don't Have To Do What You Say."
Okay, maybe those magazine article titles are a slight exaggeration, but they're in the spirit of "Revolve," a groundbreaking new publication from Bible publisher Thomas Nelson.
"Revolve" contains the entire New Testament, but in glossy magazine format, with quizzes, graphics, and sidebars similar to those in "Glamour," "Vogue," or "Seventeen."
"Revolve" came about because someone suddenly discovered that teenage girls find the traditional leatherbound Bible to be boring with a capital B. Ha! Such a realization is nothing new. I'm sure Saint Paul sat there in a dank prison cell for the umpteenth year, with only Mr. Jingles the mouse for companionship, and prayed fervently, "Dear Lord, please don't let this epistle bore a teenage girl somewhere. Yea, verily, smite their tedium."
"Revolve" fills a vital niche because teenage girls fail to find the standard Bible relevant to their lives. Really. The Bible merely has accounts of birth, death, love, hate, hope, faith, war, betrayal, and the like. How could that compete with Justin Timberlake's favorite flavor of ice cream for relevance?
"Revolve" arrives not a minute too soon, because teenage girls find the cold gray type of the usual Bible to be intimidating. Great! Tomorrow's Leaders are afraid of adjectives and adverbs, but they feel no qualms about announcing things like "Mom and Dad, this is my new boyfriend Snake, his grandson Spider, and their personal parole officer."
Despite my trepidation, "Revolve" is a runaway hit. So I expect we'll soon be seeing the Bible according to other popular magazines:
* Home Computing ("Lazarus Rebooted!")
* Modern Maturity ("Do This In Remembrance Of Where You Put Your Eyeglasses")
* Forbes ("The Love of Money Is The Root Of All Mutual Fund Diversification")
* Car and Driver ("Elijah's Fiery Chariot: Prototype Of The Ford Pinto?")
* Maxim ("God Said It Was Okay For Goliath To Get Stoned")
* Psychology Today ("Why Adam Would've Hated His Mother, If He'd Had A Mother")
* GQ ("Look Suave Even In Sackcloth And Ashes")
* Sports Illustrated ("Why Didn't Jesus Cure The Blind Umpires?")
* Humpty Dumpty ("So You Can Count To 666 Now. Very Good. Scary, But Very Good")
* National Geographic ("See Our Fold-Out Of Topless African Dancers -- You Lust-Controlled Heathen!")
* Fitness ("Turned Into A Pillar of Salt? Watch For These Signs of Hypertension")
* Cosmopolitan ("100 Hot Tips For When Your Man Denies You Thrice")
* Progressive Farmer ("Jesus Feeds 5,000 -- But The Middle Man Gets All The Credit")
* Reader's Digest ("Methusaleh: The Most Unforgettable 5 Million Persons I Ever Met")
* Martha Stewart's Living ("Remember All That Stuff About Mercy? Pardon? Forgiveness?")
Pragmatist that I am, I'll give a grudging approval to many unorthodox projects that get people interested in the Good Book. But I draw the line at the new brainstorm of inscribing the Lord's Prayer on Britney Spears' thigh. Even offstage, she can't stand still long enough for you to read it. Oh, no wonder! It's just Mr. Jingles, Britney. Bad, Mr. Jingles!
Originally published in newspapers in 2003.
“You’re just my Heavenly Stepfather; I Don't Have To Do What You Say."
Okay, maybe those magazine article titles are a slight exaggeration, but they're in the spirit of "Revolve," a groundbreaking new publication from Bible publisher Thomas Nelson.
"Revolve" contains the entire New Testament, but in glossy magazine format, with quizzes, graphics, and sidebars similar to those in "Glamour," "Vogue," or "Seventeen."
"Revolve" came about because someone suddenly discovered that teenage girls find the traditional leatherbound Bible to be boring with a capital B. Ha! Such a realization is nothing new. I'm sure Saint Paul sat there in a dank prison cell for the umpteenth year, with only Mr. Jingles the mouse for companionship, and prayed fervently, "Dear Lord, please don't let this epistle bore a teenage girl somewhere. Yea, verily, smite their tedium."
"Revolve" fills a vital niche because teenage girls fail to find the standard Bible relevant to their lives. Really. The Bible merely has accounts of birth, death, love, hate, hope, faith, war, betrayal, and the like. How could that compete with Justin Timberlake's favorite flavor of ice cream for relevance?
"Revolve" arrives not a minute too soon, because teenage girls find the cold gray type of the usual Bible to be intimidating. Great! Tomorrow's Leaders are afraid of adjectives and adverbs, but they feel no qualms about announcing things like "Mom and Dad, this is my new boyfriend Snake, his grandson Spider, and their personal parole officer."
Despite my trepidation, "Revolve" is a runaway hit. So I expect we'll soon be seeing the Bible according to other popular magazines:
* Home Computing ("Lazarus Rebooted!")
* Modern Maturity ("Do This In Remembrance Of Where You Put Your Eyeglasses")
* Forbes ("The Love of Money Is The Root Of All Mutual Fund Diversification")
* Car and Driver ("Elijah's Fiery Chariot: Prototype Of The Ford Pinto?")
* Maxim ("God Said It Was Okay For Goliath To Get Stoned")
* Psychology Today ("Why Adam Would've Hated His Mother, If He'd Had A Mother")
* GQ ("Look Suave Even In Sackcloth And Ashes")
* Sports Illustrated ("Why Didn't Jesus Cure The Blind Umpires?")
* Humpty Dumpty ("So You Can Count To 666 Now. Very Good. Scary, But Very Good")
* National Geographic ("See Our Fold-Out Of Topless African Dancers -- You Lust-Controlled Heathen!")
* Fitness ("Turned Into A Pillar of Salt? Watch For These Signs of Hypertension")
* Cosmopolitan ("100 Hot Tips For When Your Man Denies You Thrice")
* Progressive Farmer ("Jesus Feeds 5,000 -- But The Middle Man Gets All The Credit")
* Reader's Digest ("Methusaleh: The Most Unforgettable 5 Million Persons I Ever Met")
* Martha Stewart's Living ("Remember All That Stuff About Mercy? Pardon? Forgiveness?")
Pragmatist that I am, I'll give a grudging approval to many unorthodox projects that get people interested in the Good Book. But I draw the line at the new brainstorm of inscribing the Lord's Prayer on Britney Spears' thigh. Even offstage, she can't stand still long enough for you to read it. Oh, no wonder! It's just Mr. Jingles, Britney. Bad, Mr. Jingles!
Originally published in newspapers in 2003.
posted by Danny Tyree at 9:20 AM
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