Trek Trauma: He's Canceled, Jim
It’s a real-life cliffhanger. Unless fans can come to the rescue, the UPN network will discontinue the “Star Trek: Enterprise” series after the May 13 broadcast.
Yes, if things go as planned, for the first time in 18 years, television will be without a spinoff of Gene Roddenberry’s classic 1960s science fiction adventure.
Groups such as TrekUnited.com are trying to raise the $32 million it would cost to produce a fifth season of the show, in hopes that Paramount and UPN will give the program a reprieve.
You may or may not care about the campaign. “Star Trek” has always been too far-fetched for some segments of the audience. Of course these are usually the people who get their news about “Trekker” weirdos from “National Enquirer” articles such as “Elvis Rescues Bigfoot From Crazed Trek Fan.”
(Faster-than-light “warp speed” is already in use -- when gasoline prices go up as soon as there’s a rumor about a rampaging butterfly smashing into an oil pipeline somewhere.)
Grandpa Tyree thought Western Civilization had reached its lowest ebb when “Star Trek” introduced Mr. Spock, a character with pointy ears. Maybe that explains why Grandpa always urged the grandkids to leave border patrol agents instead of milk and cookies for Santa’s elves.
Even some avid Trekkers think the franchise has been overexposed (via four spinoffs) and needs a rest. I guess the series has indeed shown signs of aging. (“That was supposed to be a Vulcan nerve pinch – not a Vulcan hip displacement! Oy!”)
With “Enterprise” mired in 150th place in the all-important Nielsen ratings, we may never get to see proposed “Trek” series such as “Tom Brokaw’s Star Trek: The Greatest Generation” (oldtimers reminisce about how evil warlords used to say “Sir” and “Ma’am” before they released a mutagenic virus on you) and “Star Trek: The Musical” (“All singing, all dancing – to boldly go where no heterosexual man has gone before.”)
As a longtime “Star Trek” viewer, I wish the fundraisers luck, but they may learn the adage “Be careful what you wish for.” If a fifth season is approved, the show’s producers will undoubtedly be pressured to add elements of more popular shows. We would hear things such as:
* “He’s dead, Jim – and I’m glad. We haven’t had a good autopsy since the last commercial break.”
* “Change your phaser gun setting from stun to …‘Remodel.’”
* “There are only two ways to settle this war between the Romulans and Andorians -- Dr. Phil or a nanny!”
* “Watch closely as dad the showoff accidentally shoots himself in the crotch with a photon torpedo.”
Still, the world will truly be poorer for the loss of the “Trek” universe. “Trek” has inspired viewers to study astrophysics, inspired viewers to pursue careers in aeronautics, inspired viewers to throw caution to the wind and buy that darned second Klingon inflatable woman for Saturday night.
The optimistic viewpoint of “Star Trek” will be greatly missed. From the turbulent Sixties through the Carter administration malaise to the divisive post-9-11 environment, “Trek” has held out hope for mankind.
Now we’ll have to depend on the optimism of Pres. Bush. (“I don’t think national parks as we know them can survive. I’m proposing that every American will have the option of owning his own individual tree…or caribou… or geyser or something…I’m open to suggestions…”)
Yes, if things go as planned, for the first time in 18 years, television will be without a spinoff of Gene Roddenberry’s classic 1960s science fiction adventure.
Groups such as TrekUnited.com are trying to raise the $32 million it would cost to produce a fifth season of the show, in hopes that Paramount and UPN will give the program a reprieve.
You may or may not care about the campaign. “Star Trek” has always been too far-fetched for some segments of the audience. Of course these are usually the people who get their news about “Trekker” weirdos from “National Enquirer” articles such as “Elvis Rescues Bigfoot From Crazed Trek Fan.”
(Faster-than-light “warp speed” is already in use -- when gasoline prices go up as soon as there’s a rumor about a rampaging butterfly smashing into an oil pipeline somewhere.)
Grandpa Tyree thought Western Civilization had reached its lowest ebb when “Star Trek” introduced Mr. Spock, a character with pointy ears. Maybe that explains why Grandpa always urged the grandkids to leave border patrol agents instead of milk and cookies for Santa’s elves.
Even some avid Trekkers think the franchise has been overexposed (via four spinoffs) and needs a rest. I guess the series has indeed shown signs of aging. (“That was supposed to be a Vulcan nerve pinch – not a Vulcan hip displacement! Oy!”)
With “Enterprise” mired in 150th place in the all-important Nielsen ratings, we may never get to see proposed “Trek” series such as “Tom Brokaw’s Star Trek: The Greatest Generation” (oldtimers reminisce about how evil warlords used to say “Sir” and “Ma’am” before they released a mutagenic virus on you) and “Star Trek: The Musical” (“All singing, all dancing – to boldly go where no heterosexual man has gone before.”)
As a longtime “Star Trek” viewer, I wish the fundraisers luck, but they may learn the adage “Be careful what you wish for.” If a fifth season is approved, the show’s producers will undoubtedly be pressured to add elements of more popular shows. We would hear things such as:
* “He’s dead, Jim – and I’m glad. We haven’t had a good autopsy since the last commercial break.”
* “Change your phaser gun setting from stun to …‘Remodel.’”
* “There are only two ways to settle this war between the Romulans and Andorians -- Dr. Phil or a nanny!”
* “Watch closely as dad the showoff accidentally shoots himself in the crotch with a photon torpedo.”
Still, the world will truly be poorer for the loss of the “Trek” universe. “Trek” has inspired viewers to study astrophysics, inspired viewers to pursue careers in aeronautics, inspired viewers to throw caution to the wind and buy that darned second Klingon inflatable woman for Saturday night.
The optimistic viewpoint of “Star Trek” will be greatly missed. From the turbulent Sixties through the Carter administration malaise to the divisive post-9-11 environment, “Trek” has held out hope for mankind.
Now we’ll have to depend on the optimism of Pres. Bush. (“I don’t think national parks as we know them can survive. I’m proposing that every American will have the option of owning his own individual tree…or caribou… or geyser or something…I’m open to suggestions…”)
posted by Danny Tyree at 7:02 PM
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