The Hitler You Never Knew
A German historian has claimed that Nazi scientists successfully tested a nuclear weapon in the last months of World War II.
Although this was a “crude” nuclear bomb (as opposed to the elegant, debonair ones used by the Americans to delight the masses in Hiroshima and Nagasaki), it gives me the willies to think about how close Hitler came to winning World War II.
Believe it or not, the nuclear bomb was not the only close call. The Nazis actually had a head start on many scientific and cultural innovations of the past 60 years. Examples:
* The current apology “My bad” was used extensively at the Nazi War Crimes Trials, and when two Nazis met outside the public eye, that famous salute was paired not with “Heil,” but “Wassup?”
* Advertising campaigns have been influenced by German proclamations such as “I’d like to teach the world to goose step,” “This blitz is for you,” “When Adolf Hitler froths, people listen,” “I can’t believe they beat the whole Master Race” and “The Third Reich has fallen, and it can’t get up.”
* Rudimentary Post-It Notes were used to boost the efficiency of the German war machine. (“Pick up dry cleaning, drop off dog for grooming, conduct abominable experiments on twin Gypsies.”)
* Wedgies, that high school scourge, were pioneered in Nazi Germany. (“Ve haff vays of making you give us your lunch money.”)
* An early form of cable TV’s “Pimp My Ride” was developed at a studio in Berlin. (“Erwin Rommel may be famous as The Desert Fox, but he’ll really get the foxes when we add a Jacuzzi and sound system to his Panzer tank.”) It was often paired with the German predecessor of the “Punk’d” hidden-camera show. (“Mussolini thinks he’ll be tying tin cans behind a friend’s honeymoon car, but it’s really Mussolini’s fat behind that’ll be dragged through the streets!”)
* Popular products advertised on American TV had predecessors in Hitler’s Germany. (“Gas on…gas off…The Clapper!”)
* Hitler had developed his own Motown Sound long before Berry Gordy Jr. and Phil Spector, producing songs such as “Standing In The Shadows of Firebombed Dresden” “R-E-S-P-E-C-T? How About T-O-T-A-L S-U-R-R-E-N-D-E-R?,”“Gestapo In The Name of Love,” “Papa’s Got A Brand New Double,” “Sugar Pie Honey Bunch (Poland Can’t Help Itself),” “Save The Last Cyanide Capsule For Me,” and “Ain’t Too Proud To Wear A Goofy Mustache.”
* Condo time-share pitches were honed in Nazi Germany. (“Own a bunker for one weekend a year and be ready when friends – or bombs – drop in.”)
* Current bank interest rates were foreshadowed by Nazi policies, officially known as “Take helpless people’s assets and don’t give anything in return.”
Given the sad state of history literacy, many schoolchildren will probably wonder why Hitler didn’t at least use the nuclear bomb on Napoleon to win the battle of Gettysburg. But Hitler’s legacy should be of great interest to youngsters.
Yes, the Nazis even beat Americans Richard and Betty James to the punch with a version of the Slinky. Sing along now. (“What marches down stairs, alone or in pairs and makes a jackbooted sound?/A stomp, a stomp, a wundebar romp, Everyone knows it’s Shlinky./It’s Shlinky, it’s Shlinky, for interrogation a wonderful toy/It’s Shlinky, it’s Shlinky, inform on a girl and a boy!”)
Although this was a “crude” nuclear bomb (as opposed to the elegant, debonair ones used by the Americans to delight the masses in Hiroshima and Nagasaki), it gives me the willies to think about how close Hitler came to winning World War II.
Believe it or not, the nuclear bomb was not the only close call. The Nazis actually had a head start on many scientific and cultural innovations of the past 60 years. Examples:
* The current apology “My bad” was used extensively at the Nazi War Crimes Trials, and when two Nazis met outside the public eye, that famous salute was paired not with “Heil,” but “Wassup?”
* Advertising campaigns have been influenced by German proclamations such as “I’d like to teach the world to goose step,” “This blitz is for you,” “When Adolf Hitler froths, people listen,” “I can’t believe they beat the whole Master Race” and “The Third Reich has fallen, and it can’t get up.”
* Rudimentary Post-It Notes were used to boost the efficiency of the German war machine. (“Pick up dry cleaning, drop off dog for grooming, conduct abominable experiments on twin Gypsies.”)
* Wedgies, that high school scourge, were pioneered in Nazi Germany. (“Ve haff vays of making you give us your lunch money.”)
* An early form of cable TV’s “Pimp My Ride” was developed at a studio in Berlin. (“Erwin Rommel may be famous as The Desert Fox, but he’ll really get the foxes when we add a Jacuzzi and sound system to his Panzer tank.”) It was often paired with the German predecessor of the “Punk’d” hidden-camera show. (“Mussolini thinks he’ll be tying tin cans behind a friend’s honeymoon car, but it’s really Mussolini’s fat behind that’ll be dragged through the streets!”)
* Popular products advertised on American TV had predecessors in Hitler’s Germany. (“Gas on…gas off…The Clapper!”)
* Hitler had developed his own Motown Sound long before Berry Gordy Jr. and Phil Spector, producing songs such as “Standing In The Shadows of Firebombed Dresden” “R-E-S-P-E-C-T? How About T-O-T-A-L S-U-R-R-E-N-D-E-R?,”“Gestapo In The Name of Love,” “Papa’s Got A Brand New Double,” “Sugar Pie Honey Bunch (Poland Can’t Help Itself),” “Save The Last Cyanide Capsule For Me,” and “Ain’t Too Proud To Wear A Goofy Mustache.”
* Condo time-share pitches were honed in Nazi Germany. (“Own a bunker for one weekend a year and be ready when friends – or bombs – drop in.”)
* Current bank interest rates were foreshadowed by Nazi policies, officially known as “Take helpless people’s assets and don’t give anything in return.”
Given the sad state of history literacy, many schoolchildren will probably wonder why Hitler didn’t at least use the nuclear bomb on Napoleon to win the battle of Gettysburg. But Hitler’s legacy should be of great interest to youngsters.
Yes, the Nazis even beat Americans Richard and Betty James to the punch with a version of the Slinky. Sing along now. (“What marches down stairs, alone or in pairs and makes a jackbooted sound?/A stomp, a stomp, a wundebar romp, Everyone knows it’s Shlinky./It’s Shlinky, it’s Shlinky, for interrogation a wonderful toy/It’s Shlinky, it’s Shlinky, inform on a girl and a boy!”)
posted by Danny Tyree at 7:06 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home