Party Like It's 1861!
As 2004 careens to a conclusion, I’m lamenting some of the opportunities I missed this year. For instance, a historical society program about the Columbia (Tennessee) Athenaeum School For Young Ladies.
The Athenaeum existed from 1852 through 1904 and won national renown as a high-quality all-girls school. It was quite progressive for its time, as the general wisdom was that only males deserved a formal education. Why is unsure. Basically, all men of 1861 needed to know was (a) how to open jars while pontificating about states’ rights, (b) how to wait another 8 years for football to be invented, and (c) how to say, “Pull my finger and hear what secedes from my body!”
The well-equipped departments at the Athenaeum offered an outstanding education, although in those days some subjects were simpler. The reproductive health chapters were rather thin, merely giving instructions on how to leave an immaculate veranda for your husband’s next wife after you die during childbirth.
Of course it was society’s upper crust who attended the Athenaeum. Although, for a few years the white trash crowd had its own Prof. Crescentmoon’s Institute For Redneck Young Women. Classes included calligraphy (“fer writin’ love letters to yore half-brother”), color coordination (“Make sure yore toes is all the same shade of blue whilst you’re waitin’ for yore first pair of winter shoes”), and cartography (“fer maps of the mobile sharecropper-shack park”).
The Athenaeum lives on for one week each year, as girls (14 to 18 years of age) from all over the country come together to wear period costumes and learn the customs and curriculum of the 1860s.
Young ladies attending the modern Athenaeum find the sessions to be an enriching experience -- once they get over the culture shock. Not all of them are prepared for the technological “conveniences” of 140 years ago. Examples of notions they have to shed:
* “I hear the microwave ovens are coal-powered.”
* “Is it true that the credit cards were made of wood instead of plastic?”
* “I hear that the home entertainment centers only played Negro spirituals and‘Eatin’ Goober Peas.’”
The Powers That Be (Powers That Were?) of 1861 placed some arbitrary restrictions on women: dainty eating, side-saddle horseback riding, ever-present gloves, no exposed ankles, etc. Women had to wear layers, layers, layers of clothing. If Janet Jackson had attended the Athenaeum, her “wardrobe malfunction” would have taken longer than the Battle of Bull Run.
Yes, it was scandalous to own a knee-length skirt, but okay to own another human being. What zany times! (“Lawzy, Miss Scarlett, I don’t know nothin’ about recognizin’ no moral contradictions!”)
Young ladies enjoyed music, art, cotillions, and other entertainment -- but not magic shows. A magician sawing a woman in half loses some of its pizzazz when you’re accustomed to wearing a corset.
Ah, but there was method in the madness of Southern matriarchs who demanded flawless etiquette from the belles. Women were the first line of defense against invading Yankees. In a brilliant strategic move, they could drive away the troops with the sticks that were perpetually up their butts!
2005 will mean new opportunities for all of us. But, in the words of Prof. Crescentmoon, “Be keerful about stickin’ yore pinkie out whilst eatin’, in case the buggy didn’t completely kill the possum.”
Originally published the week of November 28, 2004.
The Athenaeum existed from 1852 through 1904 and won national renown as a high-quality all-girls school. It was quite progressive for its time, as the general wisdom was that only males deserved a formal education. Why is unsure. Basically, all men of 1861 needed to know was (a) how to open jars while pontificating about states’ rights, (b) how to wait another 8 years for football to be invented, and (c) how to say, “Pull my finger and hear what secedes from my body!”
The well-equipped departments at the Athenaeum offered an outstanding education, although in those days some subjects were simpler. The reproductive health chapters were rather thin, merely giving instructions on how to leave an immaculate veranda for your husband’s next wife after you die during childbirth.
Of course it was society’s upper crust who attended the Athenaeum. Although, for a few years the white trash crowd had its own Prof. Crescentmoon’s Institute For Redneck Young Women. Classes included calligraphy (“fer writin’ love letters to yore half-brother”), color coordination (“Make sure yore toes is all the same shade of blue whilst you’re waitin’ for yore first pair of winter shoes”), and cartography (“fer maps of the mobile sharecropper-shack park”).
The Athenaeum lives on for one week each year, as girls (14 to 18 years of age) from all over the country come together to wear period costumes and learn the customs and curriculum of the 1860s.
Young ladies attending the modern Athenaeum find the sessions to be an enriching experience -- once they get over the culture shock. Not all of them are prepared for the technological “conveniences” of 140 years ago. Examples of notions they have to shed:
* “I hear the microwave ovens are coal-powered.”
* “Is it true that the credit cards were made of wood instead of plastic?”
* “I hear that the home entertainment centers only played Negro spirituals and‘Eatin’ Goober Peas.’”
The Powers That Be (Powers That Were?) of 1861 placed some arbitrary restrictions on women: dainty eating, side-saddle horseback riding, ever-present gloves, no exposed ankles, etc. Women had to wear layers, layers, layers of clothing. If Janet Jackson had attended the Athenaeum, her “wardrobe malfunction” would have taken longer than the Battle of Bull Run.
Yes, it was scandalous to own a knee-length skirt, but okay to own another human being. What zany times! (“Lawzy, Miss Scarlett, I don’t know nothin’ about recognizin’ no moral contradictions!”)
Young ladies enjoyed music, art, cotillions, and other entertainment -- but not magic shows. A magician sawing a woman in half loses some of its pizzazz when you’re accustomed to wearing a corset.
Ah, but there was method in the madness of Southern matriarchs who demanded flawless etiquette from the belles. Women were the first line of defense against invading Yankees. In a brilliant strategic move, they could drive away the troops with the sticks that were perpetually up their butts!
2005 will mean new opportunities for all of us. But, in the words of Prof. Crescentmoon, “Be keerful about stickin’ yore pinkie out whilst eatin’, in case the buggy didn’t completely kill the possum.”
Originally published the week of November 28, 2004.
posted by Danny Tyree at 7:26 PM
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