The Long Tassle of The Law
By now you’ve probably heard about Anette Pharris, the Nashville mother indicted for hiring a stripper to perform at her 16-year-old son’s birthday party.
Yes, every newspaper brims with ads for gifts designed to make any birthday special , but Pharris would have none of that. To ensure that her little darling had a memorable occasion, she allegedly searched far and wide until she found a stripper willing to disrobe at a party with a guest list that included 10 minors.
The stripper and three other adults were also charged by the police, thus validating the best-selling book “It Takes A Village (To Contribute To The Delinquency Of A Minor).”
Obviously, Pharris desperately wants to be one of those “cool” moms. It would not surprise me if she went around announcing things like, “Look! If you squint really hard, my stretch marks sort of kind of look like rapper 50 Cent!”
Prostitution and drug dealing are common in the Pharris neighborhood, so the mother defended her actions on the grounds that her son could see a lot worse happening on the street in front of their house. It’s a wonder she didn’t use the same logic to hire a motorist to run over a dog in the kitchen during the birthday party.
Pharris argues that age is just a number (so is “7 to 10 years without parole”), and that her son Landon is “very mature” for his age. I’m wondering how he demonstrated his maturity. Instead of dollar bills, did he stuff a diversified investment portfolio down the stripper’s G-string?
Of course the mother was giving her completely unbiased opinion when she lauded the boy’s maturity. She probably thought, “It takes a lot of maturity for a boy to keep a level head when he’s Beethoven, Einstein, Tom Cruise, and Mark McGwire all rolled into one.”
Parent-child relationships have certainly changed since I was a boy. Remember when you were told, “If you get a whipping at school, you’ll automatically get another one at home”? Now it’s “If you get aroused at school, I’ll see to it that you get aroused again when you get home, mister!”
I’ve heard of parents giving a child a car on his 16th birthday, but apparently now it’s enough just to give him the back seat!
The idea of discipline and restraint has really evolved. Evidently, it now means, “Darn – I should’ve told the stripper to bring handcuffs and a whip.”
What does the future hold for the Pharris family? In order to give her son an unforgettable birthday, the mother wound up going to jail. How will she top that when it’s time for senior prom?
(“Son, when the lights dim at midnight, just remember -- that’s your Mom getting fried by Old Sparky!”)
In case you’re wondering, young Landon Pharris seemed quite pleased with the party. Someday he’ll probably deliver the following ode to his mother: “M is for the melons she hired for me; O means ogling strippers’ rears; T is for the tassels that inspired me; H is for hormones coming out my ears; E is for her eyes, glued to Jerry Springer; R means rash, and rash she’ll always be; Put them all together they spell ‘MOTHER,’ a word that means endless counseling sessions for me!”
Yes, every newspaper brims with ads for gifts designed to make any birthday special , but Pharris would have none of that. To ensure that her little darling had a memorable occasion, she allegedly searched far and wide until she found a stripper willing to disrobe at a party with a guest list that included 10 minors.
The stripper and three other adults were also charged by the police, thus validating the best-selling book “It Takes A Village (To Contribute To The Delinquency Of A Minor).”
Obviously, Pharris desperately wants to be one of those “cool” moms. It would not surprise me if she went around announcing things like, “Look! If you squint really hard, my stretch marks sort of kind of look like rapper 50 Cent!”
Prostitution and drug dealing are common in the Pharris neighborhood, so the mother defended her actions on the grounds that her son could see a lot worse happening on the street in front of their house. It’s a wonder she didn’t use the same logic to hire a motorist to run over a dog in the kitchen during the birthday party.
Pharris argues that age is just a number (so is “7 to 10 years without parole”), and that her son Landon is “very mature” for his age. I’m wondering how he demonstrated his maturity. Instead of dollar bills, did he stuff a diversified investment portfolio down the stripper’s G-string?
Of course the mother was giving her completely unbiased opinion when she lauded the boy’s maturity. She probably thought, “It takes a lot of maturity for a boy to keep a level head when he’s Beethoven, Einstein, Tom Cruise, and Mark McGwire all rolled into one.”
Parent-child relationships have certainly changed since I was a boy. Remember when you were told, “If you get a whipping at school, you’ll automatically get another one at home”? Now it’s “If you get aroused at school, I’ll see to it that you get aroused again when you get home, mister!”
I’ve heard of parents giving a child a car on his 16th birthday, but apparently now it’s enough just to give him the back seat!
The idea of discipline and restraint has really evolved. Evidently, it now means, “Darn – I should’ve told the stripper to bring handcuffs and a whip.”
What does the future hold for the Pharris family? In order to give her son an unforgettable birthday, the mother wound up going to jail. How will she top that when it’s time for senior prom?
(“Son, when the lights dim at midnight, just remember -- that’s your Mom getting fried by Old Sparky!”)
In case you’re wondering, young Landon Pharris seemed quite pleased with the party. Someday he’ll probably deliver the following ode to his mother: “M is for the melons she hired for me; O means ogling strippers’ rears; T is for the tassels that inspired me; H is for hormones coming out my ears; E is for her eyes, glued to Jerry Springer; R means rash, and rash she’ll always be; Put them all together they spell ‘MOTHER,’ a word that means endless counseling sessions for me!”
posted by Danny Tyree at 3:22 AM
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